An enduring double standard

Our Declaration of Independence says we’re endowed by our Creator with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The identity of our nation is colored (bad pun, sorry) by this ideal of “unalienable” human rights.

Regardless of what color your skin or whether you’re rich or poor, your rights are protected in the United States of America, thanks in part to words penned into our Declaration of Independence by former slave-owner Thomas Jefferson. As the owner of over 600 slaves during the course of his lifetime, our Tom is only a “former” slaveowner now because he’s dead.

Founding Father

This distinguished founding father of our country stood a strapping 6’2” tall, which was “a good bit over six inches taller than the average male” of his time, which is a shame. Basketball wasn’t invented until 65 years after Jefferson died, but without question, our redheaded 3rd President would have had a physical advantage on the basketball court, even over our current President Barack Obama, who only stands 6’1”.

Still, it makes you wonder whether Jefferson, a Virginia planter who lived ostentatiously, would have been a player or a trader. More to the point, if alive today, would Thomas Jefferson own a team in the NBA? What qualifications would his players have to meet to be on his team?

After recent remarks by Donald Sterling, regarded almost unanimously as racist, one player, J.J. Redick cited the example of “white center Chris Kaman, who [was] traded to the New Orleans Hornets in 2011” to reveal why he felt discriminated against because he was white.

Employees or Property?

When Sterling’s girlfriend reminded him during a taped phone call that every player on his team was black, Donald Sterling said the following:

I support (black players) and give them food, and clothes, and cars, and houses. Who gives it to them? Does someone else give it to them? … Who makes the game? Do I make the game, or do they make the game? Is there 30 owners, that created the league?

Donald Sterling looks at himself as a “benefactor of actual players” rather than their employer. In other words, he “gives” the members of his team money and expensive gifts, rather than seeing their salaries as something they earn. If it doesn’t point directly to slave owners, then it does to the peon camps where “freed” slaves were often recaptured and forced to purchase their own food and clothing from their bosses at an inflated price, keeping them indebted to the company.

This attitude may seem shocking, but it is not in the least unprecedented. Thomas Jefferson himself was once quoted as having said:

Brought from their infancy without necessity for thought or forecast, [blacks] are by their habits rendered as incapable as children of taking care of themselves, and are extinguished promptly wherever industry is necessary for raising young. In the mean time they are pests in society by their idleness, and the depredations to which this leads them.

Thomas Jefferson believed that freed slaves should be returned to Africa and not permitted to intermarry with whites. Citing “the real distinctions which nature has made” Jefferson believed that Blacks and whites would eventually try to exterminate each other. He believed, among other things, that “Blacks lacked basic human emotion” and that “Blacks’ ability to reason was much inferior to that of whites’.”

Though he was three times her age, Thomas Jefferson, the man who openly expressed his belief that blacks and whites should not intermarry, reportedly fathered six children with Sally Hemings, his slave-mistress, who remained his companion until his death nearly 40 years later. To further complicate matters, Sally and Martha, Jefferson’s first wife, were half-sisters, their father being John Wayles, a white attorney. Sally’s mother, a slave concubine, became Jefferson’s property when his father-in-law passed away, nine years prior to the death of his first wife, Martha. The children Jefferson conceived with Sally were three-quarters white and were freed after Jefferson’s death.

In her online article Sally Hemings from the Perspective of Women’s History: Paternity and Patriarchal Power, Jone Johnson Lewis writes:

A ‘women’s history’ perspective on Sally Hemings’ relationship to Thomas Jefferson would have us look at questions relating to the different roles men and women were expected to occupy. In this particular situation, where Sally Hemings was a slave of mixed racial heritage, a more complete picture of the ‘truth’ of the situation also requires looking at the ways in which race and slavery were part of the context of their relationship.

Wife and Family as Property

Yet another similarity exists in the wealthy white male selecting a mixed-race female for companionship. It wasn’t so long ago that a white woman was considered the property of her husband once married, as were their children; an interracial companionship today serves to reinforce a gender hierarchy of simpler times, when it was socially acceptable for a man to beat his wife as though she were a slave.

In the person of James Callender, our new nation had its own Andrew Breitbart. Callender, who had ended the political careers of both John Adams and Alexander Hamilton, blackmailed Jefferson and eventually publicized the scandal of his mixed-race progeny, in much the same way Donald Sterling’s relationship with V Stiviano caused an outcry when he recently complained that she was associating with Black people and his remarks were recorded and revealed to the American public.

These attitudes toward Blacks and mixed-race individuals are shocking, but ingrained in an older generation “marinated in racism,” as Oprah Winfrey recently remarked in an interview.

If Donald Sterling is found unworthy to own a basketball team, then Thomas Jefferson certainly could not be President in today’s America. Others will argue that “we the people of the United States” were not ready for the Black President we elected in 2008. But, over and over, we are forced to realize there is no such thing as “a nation ready for social change.”

My Name is V

My name is V.

As I put on my lipstick, I think about how I can make my lips look bigger or smaller and how men love that flash of color. I got my big lips from my dad. They don’t really match my face, but that’s OK. I can make it work.

I got accused of being illegal a lot growing up because my mom is Mexican. I guess it didn’t help that she got arrested for stealing baby formula. Maybe she wasn’t the best mom, but I love her. She’s the only parent I had, and at least she stuck around. V stands for Victory. I am victorious because I survived my childhood.

There is this exotic pop musician named Prince who is mixed, like me, but he identifies black and Italian. If you’re Mexican, you’re just trash, but if you’re Italian, people make movies about you, like The Godfather. Even if you’re a bad guy, you have power. You have a family that loves you. Prince changed his name a couple times and it gave him mystery. Some Sicilians have dark skin and kinky hair, like mine. Now I have an Italian-sounding name, Stiviano. V stands for Validated.

StivianocapngownIf I’m a good student, I will go far. Everyone says that. I will move far away from San Antonio and never look back. I will make a lot of money someday. The Voyager is an all-American, expensive NASA space station just a little older than me. Every spacecraft winds up far, far away from where it started. V stands for Voyager.

As I dab foundation on my broad face, I remember my wide nose which I had fixed, and how flat my cheeks used to be. My dad didn’t love my mom. He didn’t even stay with her one night. V stands for those naughty girl parts men can’t stop thinking about, ha ha! Maybe I’m a bad girl, but I can keep a man seeing me for weeks or even months.

Are women really supposed to dress trashy and hang out like this on the front of a taxi late at night? Like this? I can make it look fun and natural. See?

vstivianotaxiNo one can be all bad. Sometimes I wonder if my dad was a good guy those times in his life when he wasn’t a rapist. Did he ever have children? Did he love the ones he knew about? It feels good to talk to black men. I like it when they smile at me and tell me I got swag. I like to snuggle. I’m a cuddle toy, too, not just a bad girl.

vstivianomagicV also stands for Virginal, which is a must if you want a white Daddy to love you. You have to act pure as the driven snow, but just a little bit naughty, but confused about it. Whether you’re bad or whether you’re good, it’s always a game. It doesn’t matter how you really feel. What matters is, whether Daddy is happy.

vsatgameHe makes me happy when he smiles, and calls me his Silly Rabbit.

If my Mom had known how to make my Dad happy, maybe he would have stayed for more than just one night. But none of that matters now.

Mom, I was blessed to learn all those things you never could. V is for Victory. If you get really good at pretending, you can get rich men to pretend with you. Then you’ll never need money.

visor2visorThere’s a movie out called V for Vendetta. The hero wears a mask. I feel like I’m wearing a mask when I smile, but it’s really my face. I have a really cool way to hide when I want to, though. People joke about it, but then they copy me because my visor is swag. I am a trend-setter. Others are starting to wear visors just like mine to keep paparazzi away! I have good ideas, and I can be scary. V is for Darth Vader, which is what I look like in a visor!

Sometimes it feels like other people always want me to play a game, and no one loves me for who I really am. I try not to think about that, but sometimes it gets to me. I’m sorry to use a swear word, but you wouldn’t believe some of the things this sick old fuck wants me to do.

I’m not silly and I’m not a rabbit, but I can never tell him how I really feel because he wouldn’t understand. He wants me not to be Black and he wants me not to be Mexican. He uses his money to make all the things he doesn’t like to look at go away. He’s only different from the other guys I’ve known because he has more money.

I’m sure no one would believe the things he says to me, so I’m going to tape record them. How can anyone think making someone play games of pretend constantly can be healthy for them? Being in this relationship is like being in jail.

My white daddy doesn’t love me anymore. He’s blaming me for everything. His friends hate me, too, and they wish I would get hit by a car. It wasn’t my fault he says such awful things. Maybe he can change.

The worst part is, no matter what I do, I can’t change the fact that my real dad still doesn’t love me. He doesn’t even know me, and he never will.

I’m not a mean person and I never wanted to hurt anyone. Some famous guy once wrote: “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” I don’t know what that means, but maybe it’s true. V is for vengeance.

How To Propose To A Woman

My daughter and I play MovieStarPlanet, a game of pretend that has turned out to be a learning experience for us both. Think of all the grown who dress up as Santa Claus at Christmas time to trick children.

Cultural fibs are forgivable. I remember all the grown-ups who promised me I could be anything I wanted. The fib proved true, more due to technology than to women’s rights. Thirty five years later, I am finding that in a virtual world, I CAN be anything I want, as long as it’s role-play. On MovieStarPlanet, I get things as a boy player that I don’t as a girl. Gifts. Credibility. I am a validated person in ways I’m not in real life. I get respect. From whom? Girl players.

My daughter, who got me started playing this game, sees the effectual way I move in the virtual world. The other day, I taught my daughter how to propose to a woman. That sounds like a funny thing for a mother to teach her daughter. We’re both heterosexual. But as a male player in my virtual world, of course I’m going to have a GF (girlfriend).

As we imitate the rituals of real life on MovieStarPlanet, there is a social transference. My daughter liked the films my male character made better than the films my female character made. Soon, she had a male character, too. Then, my character got engaged.

“How did you propose to your MSP girlfriend?” my daughter asked. I explained that, as a young man in the game, I told my GF that I had never learned to cook, so I boiled and ate macaroni and cheese from a box, knowing all along that food is better when you cook it and eat it with that Special Someone. I then told her: Not all good things come from a box, but here is something for You; please be my Special Someone, whereupon my male player got down on one knee and opened the box with the huge diamond ring I got from the in-game animation. She said Yes, and we were engaged. A few days later, my daughter wanted me to witness her proposal to her online GF. Her macaroni box proposal was a little different: She told her online GF, “I want someone to share my macaroni with, no matter the pot, no matter the pan, no matter the utensils….” It was precious.

The lesson of the marriage proposal reaches beyond the cultural myth and the social clichė. Role-playing a successful man, I found myself wondering why women are so interested in men, why they want to dress as brides and put on makeup, and what is the big deal about this male-female relationship, aside from that all-their-friends-are-doing-it?

The value of a mother teaching her daughter how to propose is in de-mystifying the male-female relationship. The magic of being a Disney princess goes away when you look at it all from backstage. Maybe that’s a good thing.

😉